Un-lived Lives
Okay, so there are times when I look back on my life and wished I had done things differently. I'm incredibly grateful for the AMAZING life I've lived, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have lived different lives.
In my un-lived life, I would have pursued a subject that I genuinely loved in school. Chris, Quinn, and I would have lived in California. Instead of admiring others for their creativity, this version of me would have been more creative. Instead of being awed by people doing brilliantly hard things, I would have done more daring and awesome things myself.
Did this un-lived version of me get it right while I got it wrong?
Is it still possible for me to become her, or have I missed my chance?
“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be.”
F. Scott Fitzgerald
I know for myself my hesitancy was tied to the idea of needing to be
really good at something.
When I wanted to start something new, the fear of screwing it up or being bad at it stopped me dead in my tracks…
UNTIL IT DIDN"T …
I remembered, with the help of my coach,
it’s all about the joy of doing something.
I learned about putting those stifling markers aside.
I embraced failing + being mediocre and simply pursuing something because I enjoy doing it.
Maybe that’s the task—to learn how to enjoy the things we do.
Here are some reminders for when you’re caught up in regret over your unlived lives.
Define success for yourself
“For me, success is not a public thing. It’s a private thing. It’s when you have fewer and fewer regrets.” — Toni Morrison
Perhaps success is arriving at a life where we have fewer regrets because we’re doing what is important to us, irrespective of whether we feel “worthy”.
What if we said, “Who cares” more?
Become it
“If you inherently long for something, become it first.” — Victoria Erickson
Ask, “ What is it that you want? “ Remember, we can want things outside the parameters of success—we can want traits and values.
As Victoria Erickson continues…
“If you want gardens, become the gardener. If you want love, embody love. If you want mental stimulation, change the conversation. If you want peace, exude calmness. If you want to fill your world with artists, begin to paint. If you want to be valued, respect your own time. If you want to live ecstatically, find the ecstasy within yourself. This is how to draw it in, day by day, inch by inch.”
We don’t know if we’ve got it right or wrong, so do it anyway
“I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.” — Joan Rivers
Everyday life unfolds without us ever knowing how the story ends. Something we deem bad could turn out to be good, and so on.
There is no means of testing which decision is better because there is no basis for comparison.
We live everything as it comes.
That is so hard and SO GOOD.
No time is lost
“You are dismayed at having lost a year, maybe, because the school fell apart. Well—I feel as though I’ve lost the years since Slaughterhouse-Five was published, but that’s malarky. Those years weren’t lost. They simply weren’t the way I’d planned them. Neither was the year in which Jim had to stay motionless in bed while he got over TB. Neither was the year in which Mark went crazy, then put himself together again. Those years were adventures. Planned years are not.” — Kurt Vonnegut, letter to his daughter
There is something in everything if we know how to look. We are always learning—even if it’s learning how to enjoy our own lived lives, learning how to be who it is we want to be, or learning that there is such a thing as “yet”
Maybe Life IS the Dream You Wanted
I looked around my own life as if it was the dream life I wanted.
It all got me here. The supposed wrong turns. The surprises. The really tough stuff.
I live in a super cute home that I love.
My calendar is full of incredible adventures with beautiful people.
I am working on something “thrilling, important + daunting ” ( thank you, MBS)
My husband makes the most perfect martini.
I can see the sun.
I am creating. I am learning about what I really love. I am helping people.
How could I want anything other than this?
x ali